How I spent my Christmas Vacation

The XQZ, WRRD, cat on a Triple Word Score Blues*

I went to see my sister
At Christmas time.
Oh, I went to see my sister
At Christmas time.
She whipped out that Scrabble board,
Said “your ass is mine.”

Well, she played all seven letters,
Did it more than twice.
Laughed at my sad attempts:
Rice, ice, dice.

Oh Noah Webster, have mercy on me.
(Noah Webster have mercy on me)
You know I suck at Scrabble
Indescribably.

When I drew my tiles
I got nothing but vowels.
Yes, when I drew my tiles
I got nothing but vowels.
Sis grinned and laid down kolkhoz,***
I hung my head and howled.

Well, my nephews both got Bachelors,
I gots a Ph.D.
They beat all my sad attempts,
Laughed viciously.

Oh Mr. Roget, have pity on me.
(Mr. Roget have pity on me)
You know I suck at Scrabble
Heinously.

Shoulda played some Candyland
Or cards or Clue or Risk.
Yeah, I shoulda played some Candyland
Or cards or Clue or Risk.
Might have won or might have lost,
But it wouldn’t hurt like this.

Well, I always lose at Scrabble
To sisters far and wide.
Next Christmas I’ll work extra hard
To spell sororicide.

 Oh Mr. Webster, have mercy on me.
(Noah Webster have mercy on me)
You know I suck at Scrabble
Exponentially.

*based very loosely** on The Austin Lounge Lizards1984
Blues

**I suck at music/poetry/rhythm, too
***a Soviet collective farm, 78 points

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