Google me, Google me not

One feature of Typepad, the service that hosts this blog, is my ability to check "visitor stats and referrals." That means that I can see how people arrived at Left of the Mississippi — whether they typed in the addy, linked from another blog that lists my site (Hi Tree, Kazywife, Terby, Brutal, Fumbling!), or had my addy thrown up by a search engine such as Google.

When a search engine is the referral site, I can see just what terms the visitor was searching on. Since terms entered into a search engine without quotation marks will bring up all instances of those words, my site doesn’t even have to remotely address the subject in order to hit. For instance, a recent visitor was looking for Free Building Plans for Duck Pens. Left o’ Mississippi was the first site returned on their search because I have entries mentioning free, duck, and plans. As you can see, unless the seeker fell for my undefinable charm and general wackiness, they were disappointed.

This brings us to today’s discussion. What are unwary Internet searchers looking for when they wash up on LOM? Mississippi is the most common term, and in the past month or so I’ve seen big bugs in Mississippi, Mississippi knitting, and Mississippi Cthulhu. However, as disturbing as the image of southern cultists trying to awaken the dark, tentacled one is,* I must tell you that the most common search that leads to my blog is Mississippi porn. That term leads searchers here because Mississippi, of course, is the name of the blog, and porn because I have a post titled Kitty Yarn Porn (scroll down). I’m thinking that the folks looking for Mississippi porn*** are a mite disappointed with a pic of Amelia slobbering on some expensive S. American wool.

Or maybe not. The second most common search that leads to my blog is kitty porn. Again, LOM comes up on that search because of the Amelia pic. What I’m left wondering is if the searches are launched by deviants who can’t spell, or (and just as damn scary) by deviants who CAN spell and haunt the bushes around pet stores and Humane Societies.

NOTE: Since I started this entry, someone hit LOM by searching for Noah Webster pics. They got here because of my recent Scrabble game blues.

Finally, folks end up at LOM when they do a search on my name: Inez Schaechterle. Now I can imagine that people I know, friends and acquaintances, might do a quick search trying to find this site, although it seems that emailing me and asking for the address would be easier than typing in "Schaechterle." I worry, however, that those named searches are being done by some super secret branch of the Bush administration, trying to track down subversives like me — mostly-vegetarian Democrat liberal academic pop-fiction-reading parrot-owning knitters.*****

Even better was a recent search looking for Inez Schaechterle Nevada. The searcher evidently wanted to find me, with my Nevada roots, rather than some other Inez Schaechterle. However, even with 6 billion + people in the world, I can’t believe another one carries my name.****** If another woman with my moniker does exist, I wonder if, during the 1970s when Germans were still the bad guys in war movies, playground boys taunted her by calling her a Nazi (you know who you are, Larry Shipley)? Or if, round about 6th grade, some of those same boys realized that Inez rhymes, more or less, with anus? Oh unknown and probably nonexistent name-sister, I feel your pain.

*disturbing, but not really surprising, is it?**

**In dark Ry’leh dead Cthulhu lies sleeping, y’all.

***pics of naked, toothless women?****

****I apologize to my very dear friend Sue, who, though from Mississippi, is fully toothed, charming, smart, and, I hope, forgiving. She is naked under her clothes, however.

*****Now that my blog contains the words subversive, Democrat, and porn, Lord only knows who’s going to end up here.

******Although if she exists, I bet she lives in Argentina. German, Latino, post WWII….think about it.

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