I know I shouldn’t…..

A cardinal rule of Internet interaction is “don’t feed the flamers.” But I can’t help but post on my continuing popularity with the boys at SASS. I mean, how much of a life does one NOT have, to be picking on a middle-aged, Quaker English professor? And it’s the “Quaker” and “English professor” aspects of my blog that are now coming under fire.

Before discussing that, however, I do have to shout-out to the gentleman who defended me by stating that I’m “not actually that fat, just old.”* Thanks, Sweetie. I hope you manage to more or less keep your figure, too.

In reading my “About” page (and it’s nice to know that folks are clicking all my links), the SASSites found out that I teach at BVU in the Midwest** and that I “walk the Quaker path.” One immediately pointed out that it must be a wide path (due to my overwhelming fatness, which is still less than my age, apparently), which is really pretty funny. Another pointed out that it’s not very Quakerly of me to be trashing people on the Internet. What he doesn’t understand, of course, is that a dedication to non-violence and social good is not the same as rolling over; I can call the SASSites “little boys” and describe their petty bathroom humor to the world without losing my Quaker street cred.*** Since they brought it up, however, I will point out that despite their unkind words and fascination with bodily functions, I firmly believe that each and every SASSite carries a spark of the Divine Light and that God loves them and yearns for them just as much as He loves and yearns for any other soul walking this green earth. Of course, I also believe that about, say, Joseph McCarthy.

The English professor jokes are largely based on the fact that my description of the SASSites as “evidently primarily young men who enjoy anonymously writing and posting unbelievably cruel and tasteless comments and pics about rape and other violences against women, people of color, the disabled, gender exploration, homosexuality, etc.” is not a parallel structure. I’d noticed that, but decided not to fix it because as an English teacher I understand the rhetorical concepts of audience and purpose and this is, after all, merely a personal blog with a readership, prior to SASS’s involvement, of about a dozen friends and relatives who love me and will forgive the random syntax error.

Another English-teacher related criticism was that my writing is pretentious and over done. Yeah, that’s for humorous effect, especially as contrast between the writing style and the subject matter at hand. Although I can see how that is lost on readers who regard a crudely drawn and animated file of a shitting butt as the height of comedic expression. Oh, and see that last sentence? It’s technically a fragment, as are the two that begin with conjunctions**** in the first paragraph. When done on purpose, boys, that’s called writing style.

Anyway, because of the initial anti-WisCon brouhaha and the SASS attention to my own little blog, I was discussing the issues of safe spaces, both physical and online, and Internet bullying with a colleague. She pointed out that I could get one, maybe two academic papers out of all this. So I hope the SASSites keep it up. Maybe they’d like to Google my name: Inez Schaechterle.*****

There now, boys, run along and play.

*The other trolls immediately piled on him for showing a speck of mercy. Adolescent boy culture sure can stink.

**A few weak jokes about the Midwest and BVU’s mascot, the beaver, ensued. Because no one who lives in the Midwest or has heard of the beaver mascot has ever joked about it. Please.

***You know, wearing the grayest shade of gray, making the fewest incidental noises during silent worship, eating the most oatmeal…..

****And, or, but, so, yet. I often wonder if young people have missed out by not having their Saturday morning cartoons peppered with Schoolhouse Rock?

*****What the hell, it’s all over previous blog posts anyway.


One response »

  1. The link underneath your blog post says “Possibly related posts: (automatically generated) Try to writing english.” I lol’d.

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