Call me “Squire”

What does a middle-aged Quaker English professor have in common with a florid, over-imbibing, fox-hunting, knee-slapping, upstairs maid-dallying specimen of Eighteenth century gentry?

No, besides the loud voice. And the buff cheer.

We both have gout.

Before I go any further, I want to apologize to former boyfriend Tom, who I know reads this blog regularly. Tom, you had a couple of bouts of gout when we were dating, and now I realize that I was NOWHERE NEAR sympathetic enough.

Gout hurts — hurts enough to cause nausea.

And stop laughing! I’m finding that the second most painful aspect of gout is that people who don’t have it don’t take it very seriously.

I said, stop laughing!

And how did I get gout? Well, big sis Linda informs me that Grandpa Curran had it, and it runs in families. Second, I spent at least six months eating an extremely clean, virtually fat- and caffeine-free diet, and then starting in mid-August, I went a little bit crazy. Okay, a lot crazy. Chocolate. Homemade pesto. Homemade cheese. Coffee. Booze. Pizza. And now I’m paying for it.

Two days of pain takes it out of a girl. The dogs got a walk this morning, but not this evening. They are giving me THE LOOK — heads bent, sad eyes looking up, poor doggies suffering at the hand of a whimsically evil owner. I’m pretty sure their next strategy will be this:

This man is similar to me in more ways than one. In addition to the unwalked dog attack, note the cane carried for gout relief and the inordinately large, chocolate and pesto padded butt.

Stop laughing!

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4 responses »

  1. I can’t!

    The pesto-and-chocolate-padded butt looks very similar, though, to a certain double Gloucester-pecans-and-ale-padded butt I am intimately familiar with. No gout, though. Just the far less comedic acid reflux.

    It’s hell growing old, Inez, but it beats the alternative!

  2. Actually, I see all these older-than-even-me folks buzzing around–apparently unfazed by acid-reflux, arthritis, cataracts, (add your own ailments here). How DO they do it? Are they really the greatest generation–are they really made from sterner stuff? I just can’t figure it out. In 30 min. I get to go play bridge with some of them (they will beat my socks off), and when asked how they are, each one will say, ” Fine! Just fine.” I would like to review their medications and figure out which happy pills they are taking.

  3. Chocolate – booze – pizza – pesto pasta – cheese ….

    Look this is pretty simple to deal with – you may pick any 2 items from the above list to pig-out and abuse your slowly degenerating body with. But that’s it. Any more than that and you are tempting either fate or your cholesterol. Or in your case gout.

    For example, our district IT department screwed the pooch on their technology roll-out for the school year. So September was booze and cheese month for me as I waded thru hell every day. Mega-Margarita’s every night and after noon on weekends. And some really good cheese —- Weeeeeee.

    So remember choose carefully – and remember two stands for too much which is OK. But three and three much is truly too much.

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