Monthly Archives: February 2009

Not so long arm of the law….

Today was cold but beautifully sunny,  sky the color of old, barely-blue jeans and crisscrossed with high, thin clouds-maybe-contrails. The field stubble and meadows were a brittle golden color, and the whole thing put me in mind of a Nevada winter day, sans mountains edging the horizon. Unfortunately, I was driving back from Quaker Meeting in Primghar and the scene had a similar Nevada effect on my right foot, because I hadn’t been on the road 10 minutes when a sheriff’s deputy, running his lights and siren, pulled me over.

He clocked me going *cough83cough* in a 55 mph zone.

First, let me say that I wasn’t going that fast on purpose — the needle had crept past my admittedly too-fast, customary 75. Yeah, I’m a lead foot.

He gave me a chance to explain, asking me, “Is there a reason you were driving so fast?”

Well, I’d just left Meeting — it’s not like I could lie. “I’ve got a bad habit of letting that needle creep up, especially on a gorgeous day like this,” I said.

He took my license and insurance back to his car and stayed there forever. Do they always do that? I mean, he could have read a novel chapter back there. Or written one — maybe I got an arty cop.

When he came back to my car, he said that he found my truthfulness so refreshing* that he was going to cite me for 65 in a 55. I thanked him, we bid each other good day, and I drove sedately away.

It is, of course, good that I told the truth, even beyond the benefit it accrued me. It’s also good I didn’t say the other things that entered my head, which included “They don’t have a minimum height requirement in your department, do they?” and “Why on earth are men wearing that Don Johnson stubble look again?”

*I know he was telling the truth in this and that he did not let me off because of my innate charm and beauty. I did NOT try to flirt. I suck at flirting. I’m probably the only woman in world who could flirt her way into a more expensive ticket.


Happity Heart Day

A man gave me a box of chocolates for Valentines Day.

Okay, it was the UPS man, and he was delivering a special assortment* of See’s chocolates that I’d ordered for myself.** But our eyes met and he asked me for my autograph to commemorate the occasion. Yeah, there was magic in the air.

*Butterscotch Squares and Dark Chocolate Raspberry Cremes. If you’re going to consume a ton of illicit calories that will then have to be worked off, they should be really, really delicious calories that you really, really want.***

**Yes, I’m aware of how pathetic this is. But I’m tired of not getting special little treats, so damn it, I’m going to provide them myself.

***I may a little overweight, but the reason I’m not as big as a house**** is because I am very picky about my excess calories.

****I’m more of a cute little garden shed.

Insert witty title here

Yeah, not feeling so witty right now, but figured I should do a post anyway.

School started on Wednesday 1/28. I’ve got two sections of 2nd semester composition and one section of creative writing, plus a course release to work on assessment stuff, so I’m looking forward to a good, low-key semester. Was I prepared for the semester to begin? Hell no, but I did read upwards of 20 novels over break, and between novel reading and prepping for school, I think I took the better deal. Any former grad student worth her salt can scramble effectively when school starts.

The third week of January was shitty, and I use that adjective seriously. In the course of 5 days (Sun-Thurs), this is what happened:

Ricky dog vomited pretty much continuously for 24 hours – I had a couple of bloody bathroom episodes, and we’re not talking menstrual – my toilet overflowed and stopped working – Ricky to vet ($125), was ill but fine now – plumber to toilet ($60), snaked and working – me to doctor, “you need a colonoscopy!” – accidentally gave Ricky one of my pre-colonoscopy laxatives – Vet said “if he’s still got a blockage, it’ll be gone soon!” – Ricky craps cow pies for a day – I have the usual pre-colonoscopy fun – have procedure – everything’s fine.

Pretty much Ricky, the toilet, and I all got $ spent on us to determine that nothing is really wrong. While I’m happy that we’re all fine (especially Ricky and me), there goes a good chunk of my tax return. Oh, and here’s how vain I’ve gotten: My first thought when the doctor said I needed a colonoscopy was, “Damn, I’m going to have cancer because I *just* grew my hair out!”

Oh, and in a flurry of New Year’s guilt, I’ve started and successfully maintained 1) flossing my teeth every day and 2) working out 6 mornings a week. My next aim is to stay up-to-date grading daily coursework like reading responses. Either I’m going to have the healthiest, most current semester ever, or by Easter I’ll have backslid into flabby, toothless, procrastinating business as usual. Feel free to place bets.