Happity Heart Day

A man gave me a box of chocolates for Valentines Day.

Okay, it was the UPS man, and he was delivering a special assortment* of See’s chocolates that I’d ordered for myself.** But our eyes met and he asked me for my autograph to commemorate the occasion. Yeah, there was magic in the air.

*Butterscotch Squares and Dark Chocolate Raspberry Cremes. If you’re going to consume a ton of illicit calories that will then have to be worked off, they should be really, really delicious calories that you really, really want.***

**Yes, I’m aware of how pathetic this is. But I’m tired of not getting special little treats, so damn it, I’m going to provide them myself.

***I may a little overweight, but the reason I’m not as big as a house**** is because I am very picky about my excess calories.

****I’m more of a cute little garden shed.

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