A man gave me a box of chocolates for Valentines Day.
Okay, it was the UPS man, and he was delivering a special assortment* of See’s chocolates that I’d ordered for myself.** But our eyes met and he asked me for my autograph to commemorate the occasion. Yeah, there was magic in the air.
*Butterscotch Squares and Dark Chocolate Raspberry Cremes. If you’re going to consume a ton of illicit calories that will then have to be worked off, they should be really, really delicious calories that you really, really want.***
**Yes, I’m aware of how pathetic this is. But I’m tired of not getting special little treats, so damn it, I’m going to provide them myself.
***I may a little overweight, but the reason I’m not as big as a house**** is because I am very picky about my excess calories.
****I’m more of a cute little garden shed.
Ink. Yarn. Dog hair. 
Soooo–it’s been one full day. What percentage of that box of chocolates is still uneaten? Approximately.